Do Your Siblings Scapegoat You?
Patricia Jones, M.A.
Browse Counseling Categories
Important Information 
Articles by Patricia Jones, M.A.

When you were growing up did you feel that your siblings were always treated good by your parents, favored even, and you were always on the "outside looking in? Did you feel that one of them was your parents "favorite child" who could get away with everything without getting in any trouble? And did you feel ignored or neglected by your parents because of this? Did you find yourself wishing that you were the only child in the family since you were almost "invisible" to your parents.

It is a very lonely feeling, and one that caused you great pain, shame, and feelings of worthlessness. Did it keep you angry and depressed and upset most of the time especially when you found yourself blamed for everything that went wrong in the family and your favored sibling always came out "smelling like a rose?"
This is what happens in a dysfunctional family where the favored child is the "Golden child" and you are the "Family Scapegoat." Which means you are really innocent of all charges but your sibling, who usually is the troublemaker, paints you up to your parents to be the one at fault, instead of themselves. 
What you may not know is this can only happen when you are born into a family of narcissists, and one of your parents picks out one child, (your sibling) to be the "Golden child" who they lavish tons of praise and attention on, always noticing their accomplishments, and showing them off to others, And they make the other child the "Family scapegoat" to put all their negativity on, and hatred towards, and who is the the one who absorbs and covers for all the faults of the entire family. So you feel like a "non-person" who is living in the shadow of your narcissistic sibling.
Even if you are perfect in reality, and get straight A's in school, and are highly intelligent and talented in music or sports, etc. nothing is ever good enough for your narcissistic parent. Usually it is the mother in the family who is the narcissist, while the father is passive, and stays in the background, walking around on egg shells, constantly trying to please is narcissistic wife and who silently watches as you are abused. He may even be extra nice to you when no one else is looking and even apologize to you for how your mother and other siblings treat you. So in a sense he is being scapegoated right along with you.
It becomes especially dangerous to your emotional health and well-being when your narcissistic mother and your narcissistic sibling or siblings are joined at the hip and are best friends almost. This is called the "Mother-daughter narcissistic duo" (if the narcissistic child is a girl) in the psychological world. In the spiritual world it is called "Demonic." You realize that when the three of  you are together it is all about their conversation and you can hardly get a word in edgewise. They talk, and talk, and talk, and you are not allowed to be part of the conversation either because they told you to "shut up" or they give you the message that you will not be heard by ignoring anything you have said when you have tried to join in the conversation.
Your mother may have more than one "golden child" in the family and what you don't know is she actively encourages them to abuse you, and treat you badly. Then when you complain about it, you are labeled as the "family trouble maker who is always complaining about something" You are considered to be the "difficult child."

Living under these horrible and sadistic circumstances you find that you are under constant emotional stress, due to being constantly teased, made fun of, criticized, emotionally, mentally, verbally and even sometimes physically abused by these two. You are in a "no win" situation. And all you can think of is how to get away from them and so you leave the family home as soon as possible.
The worst part is you are now a grown adult with a family of your own, and you are DONE with how  your mother and sister have treated you in the past, BUT they are STILL treating you with a huge lack of love and little to no respect and not only that, they seem to enjoy watching your pain. Or you may have a "golden child" brother who treats you badly as well.

These "mother/daughter narcissistic duos" are very toxic to you and one day a "light bulb" goes on in your head and you see the TRUTH of the situation and learn that anyone who scapegoats another human being is not really mentally ill, rather, they are EVIL. This "evil" involves the fact that they are "choosing" on purpose, to make you the "target" for all the faults in the family. You are involved in a spiritual battle between good and evil.

You may also be experiencing about the worst thing anyone could do to another person which is that your narcissistic mother and sister or brother are slandering you to your own children or husband and other relatives in the family and the entire family is against you. This is about as wicked and evil as it gets.
Believe it or not thought there is hope and help and a "light" at the end of the dark tunnel you find yourself in. If you would like some help with moving on with your life, and finding peace and genuine love in your life, and changing the dynamics in your family who is abusing you, please do not hesitate to contact me for this help and advice. Please see below:

Tell a friend about this page
Copyright © 2006 - 2024 Dove Christian Counseling Center. All Rights Reserved
We accept PayPal and all other major credit or debit cards. Once you hit the PayPal button it will allow you to pay with PayPal or another major credit or debit card. No PayPal account is required.
Add this page to your favorites.
Most of us are playing roles in our families that were assigned to us, by our parents at birth. And we have believed in and followed those roles because we don't believe we deserve any better.  We become "scapegoats" and begin to suffer "living deaths" feeling like "Cinderella" living in the basement, (low man on the totem pole" and without defending ourselves we are actually "participating in our own abuse" and "enabling those who are scapegoating us."  The truth is you cannot take the blame for everything in the world or for everything in your family, or else we would be Jesus Christ Himself.

Patricia Jones, M.A.