Anger is a normal human emotion that can be very beneficial or very deadly depending on the situation at hand. And there are several different types of anger. Many people think that any kind of anger is wrong and damaging, but that is not true. Actually, if you don't get angry when the situation calls for it, and you hold that anger inside of you, rather than expressing it, you can become physically ill. And that is because our bodies, and our minds, record everything that happens to us. Even if we think we have buried something unpleasant in our minds, our bodies remember the event anyway, and it comes out in physical illness and stress, which leads to disease. The word "disease" by the way, means we are in a state of " dis .... ease." We are not at ease.
Anger is what causes most stress. We are angry about something that we feel helpless to change.
So it is not good to hold in anger. On the other hand, it is also not good to let our anger out so much that we become cruel, abusive and destructive, not only to ourselves, but to others as well. Then our anger has become uncontrollable " rage. "
Hidden anger is the most deadly.
Because you are unaware of being angry does not mean that you are not angry. It is the anger that you are unaware of which can do the most damage to you and to your relationships with other people, since it does get expressed, except in inappropriate ways. Freud once likened anger to the "smoke in an old - fashioned wood - burning stove." The normal avenue for the discharge of the smoke is up the flue and out of the chimney; however, if the normal avenue is blocked, the smoke will leak out of the stove in unintended ways ....... around the door, through the grate, etc., choking everyone in the room.
If all avenues of escape are blocked, the fire goes out and the stove ceases to function. In the same manner, the normal human expression of anger is gross physical movement and/or loud vocalization; watch a red - faced hungry infant sometime.
By age five or so we are taught that such expressions are unacceptable to others and lead to undesirable consequences. We learn to "be nice" , which means ( among other things ) hiding our "bad" feelings. By adulthood even verbal expression is curtailed, since a civilized person is expected to be "civil." Thus, expression is "stifled" and to protect ourselves from the unbearable burden of continually unexpressed
"bad" feelings, we go the next step and convince ourselves that we are not angry, when we really are.
Such self-deception is seldom completely successful, however, and the blocked anger "leaks out" in inappropriate ways. Some of these ways are listed below and are examples of Hidden Anger.
1.) Procrastination in the completion of imposed tasks.
2.) Perpetual or habitual lateness.
3.) A liking for sadistic or ironic humor.
4.) Sarcasm, cynicism or flippancy in conversation.
5.) Over politeness, constant cheerfulness, an attitude of "grin and bear it."
6.) Smiling while hurting.
7.) Frequent disturbing or frightening dreams.
8.) Over - controlled monotone speaking voice.
9.) Difficulty in getting to sleep or sleeping through the night.
10.) Boredom, apathy, loss of interest in things that you are usually enthusiastic about.
11.) Slowing down of movements.
12.) Getting tired more easily than usual.
13.) Excessive irritability over trifles.
14.) Getting drowsy at inappropriate times.
15.) Sleeping more that usual ---- 12 to 14 hours a day.
16.) Waking up tired rather than rested or refreshed.
17.) Clenched jaws --- especially while sleeping.
18.) Facial tics, spasmodic foot movements, habitual fist clenching and similar repeated acts done unintentionally or unaware.
19.) Frequent sighing.
20.) Chronically stiff neck or sore neck or shoulder muscles.
21.) Chronic depression. Extended periods of feeling down for no reason.
22.) Stomach ulcers.
23.) Grinding of the teeth, especially while sleeping.
This is not about rage. "Rage" is anger out of control and taking over your whole being. The items in the list above are all danger signals that negative feelings are being bottled up inside. It is true that some of them can happen even if you are not angry, but the presence of any of them is reason enough for you to look within yourself for buried resentments. I am sure you will find some if you are like most of us. Getting rid of a lifetime accumulation of buried resentments is a major task which is one of the goals of counseling.
Righteous Anger:
Also, it should help you to know that God Himself got angry. He got so angry that he flooded the entire earth because men had become so evil that God was "sorry at what he had made." And Jesus Himself, got angry when he found people selling merchandise and collecting taxes in the temple. He picked up a whip, and turned over their tables and threw them out of the synagogue. This is what we call "righteous anger" meaning, getting angry at something or someone who is offending God.
Human Anger:
But what most of us have is "human anger" which we need to recognize, and learn safe and healthy ways to release it. Remember, the Bible says.... "Don't let the sun go down on your anger" which is wonderful advice. Then you can sleep well, with a clean conscious, and wake up rested and refreshed. Jesus said "don't think about the past, or the future, just think about the day that you are in, because each day has enough troubles of it's own." Evidently then, we were made to only handle 24 hours at a time of accumulated negativity. Anything beyond that is way too much stress, both mentally, emotionally, and physically for us to handle.
If you are dealing with anger, either in yourself, or from someone that you love and care about, please do not hesitate to ask for help by scheduling an email session with me via the Long Question option, the Short Question Method, or by scheduling a Telephone Counseling session with me. Please see below for instructions on how to contact me.
Book Description
Being a man in the twenty-first century isn't easy. In fact, trying to live up to a masculine ideal that may be nothing more than myth has left many men frustrated and angry. Often unable to express their emotions, these men appear buttoned-up until a seemingly minor setback unleashes a torrent of rage that can destroy personal and professional relationships.
Does this sound familiar?
The mistakes of other drivers fill him with road rage.
Setbacks at work send him into a tailspin.
Unmet expectations in his relationship leave him seething.
Holidays and other occasions are filled with tension instead of joy.
Suppressed anger, when it finally boils over, scalds everyone involved-including loved ones, co-workers, and even strangers.
Christian counselors David Stoop and Stephen Arterburn offer solutions in this trade paper version of The Angry Man. They show what happens when men's deep-rooted anger starts to ruin relationships, jobs, and health, and they help sufferers find their way back from the brink. Men will find the help they need to reimagine a positive image of their masculinity; their loved ones will find advice on reaching a man at his boiling point.
