Five Modes of Communication during stress
S = SELF
O = OTHER
C = Context (this time, this place, this situation)
When you learn to communicate effectively with someone you are in disagreement with, you will not come out of the conversation feeling inadequate.
If you are having trouble communicating with a loved one, or a friend, please do not hesitate to send me an e-mail detailing the situation, or you may decide to have a telephone counseling session, so that I can give you some help and advice. See below for how to contact me.
Articles by Patricia Jones, M.A.
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PLACATING: One alternative is to always agree, no matter what is going on. SELF is crossed out of the situation.
BLAMING: Another alternative to stressful situations is to throw one's weight around and criticize the other person. OTHER is crossed out of the situation.
SUPER-REASONABLE: Words bear no relationship to how either party feels.
SELF is not there and the OTHER is not there. Only the situation or CONTEXT remains.
IRRELEVANT: Totally unrelated to either person or the situation; distraction.
SELF is crossed out, as are OTHER and CONTEXT.
CONCRUENT: Nothing is crossed out. The words and behaviors are consistent with each other and the situation. SELF, OTHER, and CONTEXT are congruent. Congruent is where you want to be in a relationship where each person is heard, and listened to with respect.
Satir, Virginia , et al Helping Families to Change. New York: 1975, Jason Aronson, Inc. (p. 41-47).
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