Five Modes of Communication during stress
S = SELF
O = OTHER
C = Context ( this time, this place, this situation )
When you learn to communicate effectively with someone you are in disagreement with, you will not come out of the conversation feeling inadequate.
If you are having trouble communicating with a loved one, or a friend, please do not hesitate to send me an email detailing the situation, or you may decide to have a telephone counseling session, so that I can give you some help and advice. See below for how to contact me.
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Articles by Patricia Jones, M.A.
Copyright © 2006 - 2011 Dove Christian Counseling Center. All Rights Reserved
PLACATING: One alternative is to always agree, no matter what is going on. SELF is crossed out of the situation.
BLAMING: Another alternative to stressful situations is to throw one's weight around and criticize the other person. OTHER is crossed out of the situation.
SUPER-REASONABLE: Words bear no relationship to how either party feels.
SELF is not there and the OTHER is not there. Only the situation or CONTEXT remains.
IRRELEVANT: Totally unrelated to either person or the situation; distraction.
SELF is crossed out, as are OTHER and CONTEXT.
CONCRUENT: Nothing is crossed out. The words and behaviors are consistent with each other and the situation. SELF, OTHER, and CONTEXT are congruent. Concruent is where you want to be in a relationship where each person is heard, and listened to with respect.
Satir, Virginia , et al Helping Families to Change. New York: 1975, Jason Aronson, Inc. (p. 41-47).