You may be reading this because you are a minister, or because you are married to a minister, or because you are having trouble with a minister. Speaking from personal experience, I know what the life of a minister is all about. So first I would like to address the ministers.
People in congregations put you up on a pedestal right? And in their minds they have a certain criteria that you must meet. Some of them have you right up there with God, or almost equal to God. And because of this, you live in a "glass house" and are expected to do all things perfectly.
You not only are expected to visit every sick person in the hospital twenty times a week, but you are supposed to run the building committee, be an expert in church finances, be able to fix anything in the church that goes wrong mechanically, look impressive, preach what they want to hear, (and not preach what they don't want to hear), visit every Sunday school class, every woman's group, be at every church function, head up the youth group, head up vacation bible school, or your wife is, sing, etc. etc. and need I go on? You are expected to be able to do everything in the church and be qualified to hold every office if they cannot find someone to do it. And the same goes for your wife.
You are NOT ALLOWED to drive a car that looks like it actually costs you something, you are NOT ALLOWED to take expensive vacations, and you are NOT ALLOWED to use certain rooms in the parsonage OR have pets. Does any of this sound familiar?
WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!
What you and I know is that you are called by God to preach to this congregation EXACTLY what God thinks they need to hear, whether it makes them comfortable or not. You are not their employee, you are their spiritual leader, called by God to minister to them as you are led by God to do so, and not as the "board of directors tells you to" or the "parsonage committee" tells you to. And God is the one who employed you, not them.
The same holds true for the Baptists who call their own minister individually. Even though they have chosen that minister, God still is the one who tells him what to preach.
Many ministers can burn out very easily trying to be "all things to all people" and trying to make everyone happy and everyone like them. You could be burned out because they are gossiping about you and your family, or there is a movement under foot to have you replaced. Or they don't like your wife or your children, or you. Or your children do not smile enough or dress right, etc. The list is endless and usually very petty.
YOU LIVE IN A GLASS HOUSE !!!
And then your realize that it is not really your house, it is theirs and you are just "in it." And if you need anything replaced or repaired they have to have a meeting to decide if THEY THINK you need it fixed or repaired. And then, nine times out of ten, they will replace it with the cheapest thing they can find, or better yet, they will find something in their attic that works. Never mind that it makes the entire house look like you live at Good Will.
Actually it is kind of like being President of the United States and living in the White House only YOU do not have any power to hire or fire disgruntled church members, and you don't make the salary that he does. So you have no power and no control.
Ruling Cliques
And then there are the "ruling cliques" that you find in most churches, composed of the people who THINK they really run the church, and who tell you "in no uncertain terms" that you should never preach on money again, or tithing, or you will loose the wealthy family in the church who are also the major contributors to the building fund.
The "ruling clique" is usually the group that shows up on your front porch the first day with baked goods. And the day you finally leave, they are your "arch enemies" who went around and circulated a letter to have you removed. What you don't know, and the next minister coming in does not know, is that unless he does as he is told, he is the next one on the chopping block.
If you dare take a vacation to somewhere like Hawaii you are not only criticized for taking one in the first place while so and so is in the hospital, but you are NOT SUPPOSED to have that much money in the first place because you "don't have to pay rent on the parsonage" like the rest of them do. In fact, they say "all you have to do is buy groceries."
You begin to doubt your calling by God
So...... you begin to think....is this what God called me to do????? I am getting very depressed, disgusted, and would like to just disappear. After all this abuse, and that IS what it is, you are supposed to marry them, bury them, and baptize them and do it with LOVE in your heart.
Ok.....how should it really be???? Well for one, from day one you need to educate the congregation on what the Bible says about how ministers are supposed to be treated. The verse that says....."don't muzzle the ox while he is treading out the corn" for starters.
How about......"this IS my house while I live in it, and you CANNOT tell me what I can or cannot do in my own home." Or treat me like a "second class citizen."
Somewhere in all of this, you are supposed to maintain a smile on your face, never raise your voice, never show anger, never look hungry or poor, never complain, and ALWAYS be perfect. And that goes for your wife and kids. Oh, and preach sermons from your heart that share love and kindness and talk about loving your enemies.
I do believe at one point, the apostle Paul called a group of people he was preaching to a "brood of vipers."
There are wonderful things about being a minister as well
There are also many wonderful things that go along with being a minister. And that is the sense of satisfaction and gratitude that comes from being called by God to preach to the sick, the poor, and the hurting.
There are also many wonderful people in congregations that you will remember for the rest of your life. And there are also people that you can learn from who would give you the shirt off of their back.
Being a minister is one of the hardest jobs in the world. You walk a "fine line" every day of your life, knowing that Jesus too was criticized and ridiculed, and finally "nailed to a Cross."
But the power that some congregations wield over their ministers is "way out of line," and can drive some very good ministers right out of the ministry.
If you would like some help in your ministry, please contact me by using choosing the Long Question Option, the Short Question Option, or you may schedule a Telephone Counseling Session with me. Please see below for instructions on how to contact me.
Patricia Jones, M.A.
Pastoral Counselor
Book Description
Every church deals with personality conflicts and intermittent discord. But in some churches, what should be normal clashes has become a devastating form of abuse-pastoral abuse. A growing phenomenon that cuts across denominational lines and impacts every level of ministry, pastoral abuse leaves in its wake thousands of wounded clergymen with ruined ministries, broken relationships, damaged health, even shattered faith.
The Wounded Minister: Healing for Abused Clergy, written by a clinically trained pastoral counselor, examines the reality of evil in churches and the ways in which "pathological antagonists" emotionally and spiritually batter pastors. A deft mix of personal experience and in-depth research, this resource will help wounded men and women of all ministerial positions learn how to recover their broken hearts while rebuilding their lives. And as preventative medicine, it also provides guidelines on how spiritually sensitive Christians can develop a church structure that protects their pastors from this tragedy.
Both compassionate and proactive, this book is an excellent resource for hurting pastors as well as lay leadership pursuing healthy church life.
From the Back Cover
Are you a hurting pastor seeking healing? Are you a lay leader wanting to protect your pastor? Here is a compassionate, proactive look at pastoral abuse, a tragic reality that you can do something about. Every church deals with personality conflicts and intermittent discord. But in some congregations, there are people who intentionally attack leaders and initiate a devastating form of abuse-pastoral abuse. A growing phenomenon that cuts across denominational lines and impacts every level of ministry, pastoral abuse leaves in its wake wounded people with ruined ministries, broken relationships, damaged health, even shattered faith.
The Wounded Minister examines the reality of evil in churches and the ways in which "clergy killers" or "pathological antagonists" emotionally and spiritually batter pastors. A deft mix of personal experience and in-depth research, this resource will help wounded people of all ministerial positions learn how to recover their broken hearts while rebuilding their lives. As preventive medicine, it also provides guidelines on how sensitive Christians can develop a church structure that protects their pastors from this tragedy. Guy Greenfield is a former pastor and seminary professor who was wounded in ministry. He now offers and directs counseling services through Panhandle Pastoral Counseling Ministry in Amarillo, Texas. He is a member of the American Association of Pastoral Counselors and the American Association of Christian Counselors. Greenfield is also the author of several books, including The Wounded Parent.
Book Description
YOUR PASTOR NEEDS YOUR HELP.
70% of pastors do not have someone they would consider a close friend. 80% believe that pastoral ministry negatively affects their families. 100% of pastors need their congregation's support.
Pastors today are burning out at a faster rate than ever. On top of ministry responsibilities, they struggle with loneliness, fatigue, family problems, and even depression. They minister to others for a living and often receive little care in return.
You can help, says Wes Roberts. As a pastor of pastors, he understands the specific needs of those in ministry today. "Life for all of us has more stress than we want to admit," Roberts states. "But those in ministry have some inherent burdens, pressures, and needs that those in other kinds of work do not."
Support Your Local Pastor will help you identify those specific needs by cutting through the mythology that surrounds pastors and their families. And you'll discover the ideas of more than 100 people on both sides of the pulpit, offering creative ways you can encourage your pastor and help him avoid burnout.
"If church boards and lay people across the country follow what Wes Roberts has masterfully written on encouraging our pastors, pastors will be overwhelmed with God's love, refreshed, and empowered."-Dr. Joseph M. Stowell, president, Moody Bible Institute
"This book deals with pastors as they are. Wes Roberts uses a broad range of real-life illustrations gained from years of experience to bring the ideal pastor and the reality closer together. Wes Roberts really cares about pastors and shows it!"-Jay Kesler, president, Taylor University
"What a wonderful resource Wes Roberts has provided! Practical steps you can take to encourage your pastor. A church that implements the suggestions in this book will have the kind of pastor it has always wanted."-Dale Schlafer, vice president of church relations, Promise Keepers
