Signs of Abuse
Patricia Jones, M.A.
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Signs of Abuse
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If you are experiencing abuse in a relationship and would like some help and encouragement on how to end the abuse, please do not hesitate to contact me via the instructions below:
Articles by Patricia Jones, M.A.
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Copyright © 2006 - 2011 Dove Christian Counseling Center. All Rights Reserved
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Many people are in denial about being abused. They don't want to believe that someone, usually the person that they love most in the world, the person who is SUPPOSED to be their biggest supporter and protector, is actually abusing them and has become their worst enemy. The person abusing you could be your own spouse, your parents, your own children, a boyfriend or girlfriend, or a boss at work, or even your closest friend.
But the day comes when you can no longer deny the obvious. Because you reach the point where the "pain of staying in an abusive situation becomes worse than the pain of changing the situation."
You realize that "enough is enough" and if you don't do something you might not be here this time next year. You realize that you are on a downward spiral which could end in either the death of your soul, your identity, or your actual death. SOMETHING has to give. So, ask yourself the following questions:
You may be becoming or already are a victim of abuse if you:
Do you feel like you have to "walk on eggshells" to keep him from getting angry and are frightened by his temper?
Do you feel you can't live without him?
Have you stopped seeing other friends or family, or given up activities, goals and dreams you had or you enjoy because he doesn't like them?
Has he threatened to leave you if you try to follow your dreams and goals?
Are you afraid to tell him your worries and feelings about the relationship because he will make you feel stupid for asking or make fun of you, or get mad at you?
Are you often compliant because you are afraid to hurt his feelings; and have the urge to "rescue" him when he is troubled?
Have you noticed that you spend most of your time thinking about him and how to help him or fix him and have almost or completely stopped thinking about yourself or your desires, goals and wishes?
Do you feel that you are the only one who can help him
and that you should try to "reform" him?
Has he told you that his family is mean, cruel and that you are the ONLY ONE who loves him and understands him or cares about him?
Is he at times very dependent on you, and at other times act as if he does not love you at all or want you around?
Do you find yourself apologizing to yourself or others for your partner's behaviour when you are treated badly? Do you make up excuses for his bad behavior towards you to others who have pointed out to you that he does not treat you right?
Have you stopped expressing your own opinions to him because he does not agree with them and even makes you feel dumb for having them?
Does he say hateful, cruel, mean, demeaning, condescending things to you
and call you names?
Do you stay in the relationship because he has threatened to kill himself if you leave? Or he has threatened to kill you if you leave? Or he has treatened to kill or harm your children or members of your family if you leave?
Do you believe that his jealousy is a sign of love?
Have you been kicked, hit, shoved, or had things thrown at you by him when he was jealous or angry?
Does he act like "Hitler" and misuse what the church says about the man being the head of the family and dictating to you all the time how things will go, rather than loving you "as Christ loves the Church?"
(some people) Have been abused as a child or seen your mother abused.
If you are abused:
You are not alone and you are not to blame. You cannot control his violence. There are ways you can make yourself safer:
Call the police if you have been assaulted. Charging abusive males is a necessary step in reducing physical violence.
Tell someone and keep a record of all incidents for evidence.
Write down the details for yourself as soon as possible after the assault. Keep it in a safe place where he won't find it.
Look out for men who:
Do not listen to you, ignore you or talk over you.
Sit or stand too close to you, making you uncomfortable and seem to enjoy it.
Do only what they want or push you to get what they want.
Express anger and violence towards women either through words or physically.
Have a bad attitude toward women.
Are overly possessive or jealous.
Drink or use drugs heavily.
Have a reputation for "scoring".
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