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If you are experiencing abuse in a relationship and would like some help and encouragement on how to end the abuse, please do not hesitate to contact me via the instructions below:
Articles by Patricia Jones, M.A.
Copyright © 2006 - 2017 Dove Christian Counseling Center. All Rights Reserved
Many people are in denial about being abused. They don't want to believe that someone, usually the person that they love most in the world, the person who is SUPPOSED to be their biggest supporter and protector, is actually abusing them and has become their worst enemy. The person abusing you could be your own spouse, your parents, your own children, a boyfriend or girlfriend, or a boss at work, or even your closest friend.
But the day comes when you can no longer deny the obvious. Because you reach the point where the "pain of staying in an abusive situation becomes worse than the pain of changing the situation."
You realize that "enough is enough" and if you don't do something you might not be here this time next year. You realize that you are on a downward spiral which could end in either the death of your soul, your identity, or your actual death. SOMETHING has to give. So, ask yourself the following questions:
You may be becoming or already are a victim of abuse if you:
Do you feel bad around him, and feel that he is always demeaning you and criticizing you?
Have you stopped seeing other friends or family, or given up activities, goals and dreams you had or you enjoy because he doesn't like them?
Has he threatened to leave you if you try to follow your dreams and goals?
Are you afraid to tell him your worries and feelings about the relationship because he will make you feel stupid for asking or make fun of you, or get mad at you?
Do you feel like you have to help him solve his problems because he is always feeling "victimized" by his past, or others in his present?
Have you noticed that you spend most of your time thinking about him and how to help him or fix him and have almost or completely stopped thinking about yourself or your desires, goals and wishes?
Has your entire life become "All about him?" Meaning you have almost forgotten who you are and your own goals and dreams?
Has he told you that his family is mean, cruel and that you are the ONLY ONE who loves him and understands him or cares about him?
Is he at times very dependent on you, and at other times acts as if he does not love you at all or want you around?
Do you find yourself apologizing to yourself or others for your partner's behaviour when you are treated badly? Do you make up excuses for his bad behavior towards you to others who have pointed out to you that he does not treat you right?
Have you stopped expressing your own opinions to him because he does not even appear to be interested in what you are saying? And when you do offer an opinion he always finds fault with it and makes you feel like you are stupid?
Does he say hateful, cruel, mean, demeaning, condescending things to you and call you names?
Do you stay in the relationship out of fear because he has threatened to kill himself if you leave? Or he has threatened to kill you if you leave? Or he has treatened to kill or harm your children or members of your family if you leave?
Do you believe that his jealousy is a sign of love?
Have you been kicked, hit, shoved, or had things thrown at you by him when he was jealous or angry?
Does he accuse you of flirting with someone, or does he try to tell you how to dress? Is is very possessive of you, and you think that means he loves you?
Does he act like "Hitler" and misuse what the church says about the man being the head of the family and dictating to you all the time how things will go, rather than loving you "as Christ loves the Church?"
(some people) Have been abused as a child or seen your mother abused.
If you are abused:
Look out for men who:
Do not listen to you, yell at you, interrupt you, or talk over you.
Verbally abuse you and then tell you that you are too sensitive or accuse you of not being able to "take a joke?"
Do all the taking and very little giving, meaning things always have to be "his way."
Express anger and violence towards women either through words or physically.
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Call the police and report his abuse and press charges. That way you will be protected from him and take steps to protect yourself when he is released from jail.