Types of Abuse Used in Domestic Violence
Patricia Jones, M.A.
There are different types of abuse. Often victims may minimize the abuse or justify the abuse saying things like:

"Well I have never been hit" not realizing that there are many ways to be abused.

Here are examples of different types:

The different types of abuse are:
Physical Abuse
Sexual Abuse
Emotional Abuse
Verbal Abuse
Financial Abuse
Social Abuse
Environmental Abuse
Ritual Abuse
The Silent Treatment
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No one wants to admit that they are being abused, much less by someone they love and who is supposed to love them. It is a real shock to the entire soul, mind, body and spirit. It is such a shock that it is hard to believe that someone who you thought loved you could act in such a manner, especially if it is contrary to who you thought they were.
So you go into "denial" not wanting to admit that this is happening to you, and has been happening to you for quite some time.  Some days the person abusing you is kind, nice, and even compassionate, and you begin to wonder what all of the fuss was about. But then other days they turn into someone you don't even recognize and you wonder how you can stay with them let alone survive. And you remember why you got upset several days or weeks ago. It is a vicious cycle that is destroying your life, your peace, and your very identity and you feel like you are loosing yourself. You know that things cannot go on like this, or you may not make it.
Abuse takes on many forms and comes in all shapes and sizes and degrees. But the bottom line is no matter what type of abuse you are enduring it is NOT ACCEPTABLE and it has to STOP NOW.
PHYSICAL ABUSE

- any unwanted physical attention
- kicking, punching, pushing, pulling, slapping, hitting, shaking
- cutting, burning
- pulling hair
- squeezing hand, twisting arm
- choking, smothering
- throwing victim, or throwing things at victim
- restraining, tying victim up
- forced feeding
- hitting victim with objects
- knifing, shooting
- threatening to kill or injure victim
- ignoring victim's illness or injury
- denying victim needs (eg. food, drink, bathroom, medication etc.)
- hiding necessary needs
- pressuring or tricking victim into something unwanted
- standing too close or using intimidation
- making or carrying out threats to hurt victim
-making her (victim) afraid by suing looks, gestures or actions
- smashing things
- abusing pets
- display of weapons as a means of intimidation
SEXUAL ABUSE

- any unwanted sexual contact
- forcing her to have sex, harassing her for sex
- forcing her to have sex with animals
- uttering threats to obtain sex
- pinching, slapping, grabbing, poking her breasts or genitals
- forcing sex when sick, childbirth or operation
- forcing her to have sex with other men or women
- forcing her to watch or participate in group sex
- knowingly transmitting sexual disease
- treating her as a sex object
- being "rough"
- pressuring her to pose for pornographic photos
displaying pornography that makes her      uncomfortable
- using sex as a basis for an argument
- using sex as a solution to an argument
- criticizing her sexual ability
- unwanted fondling in public
- accusation of affairs
- threatening to have sex with someone else if she  -  doesn't give sex
- degrading her body parts
- sexual jokes
- demanding sex for payment or trade
- insisting on checking her body for sexual contact
EMOTIONAL ABUSE

Also called "Psychological or Verbal Abuse"

- false accusations
- name calling and finding fault
- verbal threats
- playing "mind games"
- making victim think she/he is stupid, or crazy
- humiliating the victim
- overpowering victim's emotions
- disbelieving the victim
- bringing up past issues
- inappropriate expressions of jealousy
- degrading the victim
- putting the victim down, not defending her
- blame the victim for things
- turning the situation against the victim
- laughing in victim's face
- silence, ignoring victim
- refusing to do things with or for the victim
- always getting own way
- neglecting victim
- pressuring victim
- expecting victim to conform to a role
- comparing victim to others
- suggested involvement with other women or men
- making victim feel guilty
using certain mannerisms or behavior as a means of control (eg. snapping fingers, pointing)
- threatening to get drunk or stoned 
- manipulation
- starting arguments
- withholding affection
- holding grudges and not really forgiving
- lying
- threatening to leave or commit suicide
- treating victim as a child
- having double standards for victim
- saying one thing and meaning another
- denying or taking away victim's responsibilities
- not keeping commitments
- insisting on accompanying victim to the doctor's      office
- deliberately creating a mess for the victim to cleanup.
- preventing victim from getting or taking a job
- threatening her with anything (words, objects)
- refusing to deal with issues
- minimizing or disregarding victim's work or             accomplishments
- demanding an account of victim's time/routine
- taking advantage of the victim's fear of         something
- making her do illegal things
DURING PREGNANCY AND CHILBIRTH

- forcing her to have an abortion
- denying that the child is his
- insulting her body
- refusing to support her during and after pregnancy
- refusing sex because her pregnant body is ugly
- demanding or pressuring her for sex after childbirth
- blaming her that the baby is the "wrong sex"
- refusing to allow her to breastfeed
FINANCIAL ABUSE

- taking victim's money
- withholding money
- not allowing victim money
- giving victim an allowance
- keeping family finances a secret
- spending money foolishly
- pressuring victim to take full responsibility for finances
-not paying fair share of bills
- not spending money of special occasions when able (birthdays etc)
spending on addictions, gambling, sexual services
- not letting victim have access to family income

SOCIAL ABUSE
- controlling what victim does, who victim sees, talks to, what victim reads and where victim goes
- put downs or ignores victim in public
- not allowing victim to see or access to family and friends
- change of personality when around others (abuser)
- being rude to victim's friends or family
- dictating victim's dress and behavior
- choosing victim's friends
- choosing friends, activities or work rather being with victim
- making a "scene" in public
- making victim account for themselves
- censoring victim's mail
- treating victim like a servant
- not giving victim space or privacy
USING CHILDREN

- assaulting victim in front of the children
- making victim stay at home with the children
- teaching children to abuse victim through name calling, hitting etc
- embarrassing victim in front of the children
- not sharing responsibility for children
- threatening to abduct children, or telling victim they will never get custody
- putting down victim's parenting ability

DURING SEPARATION/DIVORCE

- buying off children with expensive gifts
- not showing up on time for visitation or returning them on time
- pumping children for information on victim's partners etc
- telling children that victim is responsible for breaking up the family
- using children to transport messages
- denying victim access to the children
USING RELIGION

- using scripture to justify or dominance
- using church position to pressure for sex or favors
- using victim, then demanding forgiveness
- interpreting religion or scripture your way
- preventing victim from attending church
- mocking victim's belief's
- requiring sex acts or drugs for religious acts


ENVIRONMENTAL ABUSE
ABUSE IN THE HOME

- locking victim in or out
- throwing out or destroying victim's possessions
- harming pets
- slamming doors
- throwing objects
- taking phones and denying victim access to the phone
ABUSE IN THE VEHICLE

- deliberately driving too fast or recklessly to scare victim
- driving while intoxicated
- forcing victim out of the vehicle (when angry)
- pushing victim out of the vehicle when it is inmotion
- threatening to kill victim by driving toward an oncoming car
- chasing or hitting victim with a vehicle
- killing victim in a deliberate accident
- denying her use of the vehicle by tampering with engine, chaining steering wheel or taking the keys


RITUAL ABUSE

- mutilation
- animal mutilation
- forced cannibalism
- human sacrifices
- suggesting or promoting suicide
- forcing victim to participate in rituals or to witness rituals
If after reading the lists above of the different types of abuse, you see that you are experiencing several or many of them and need some hope and encouragement to get yourself out of an abusive relationship, please do not hesitate to e-mail me or call me for help and advice. Being in an abusive relationship of any kind is no way to live your life. Please see the directions for doing so below:

Patricia Jones, M.A.
Copyright © 2006 - 2016 Dove Christian Counseling Center. All Rights Reserved
 
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