Why Adultery is Wrong - continued

Patricia Jones, M.A.
Browse Counseling Categories
Important Information
Articles by Patricia Jones, M.A.
Adultery involves THREE relationships, not just two.
Of these three relationships which one do you consider the most important? Because how you answer that question will give you the direction that you should take. If you say your relationship with God is the most important (which would be the right answer) then you relationship with God is in great jeopardy at this point.
Bluntly put, you have committed and may possibly be continuing to commit adultery with this other person. Which is grounds for death and going straight to hell when you die according to God. If you don't believe in God, or want a secular answer to that question or a "feel good, let you out of it answer" then go to a secular counselor who will "tell you what you want to hear" not what you "should hear." They will even tell you to keep "both women", one the mistress (which is what she really is) and the other is the "mother of your children" so you "don't want to divorce her because that would hurt the children" type of counseling.
So if you want to put God last and your eternal future "last" then keeping both women in your life, for "All the wrong reasons" can be done, but it is also putting God on the "Back burner",  and sealing your eternal fate in the future. If that is a "good trade" for you, and temptations cannot be overcome, then I guess you will continue as you have been.
You are in three relationships when you commit adultery. You are in a relationship with God, you are in a relationship with your spouse, and you are in relationship with the person you are committing adultery with.
You can't have your "cake and eat it too" so to speak. Besides that, when a man and woman sleep together they "become one flesh" according to God, which means they become "ONE" mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually." So right now you are "one flesh" with two different people. Which is really impossible.
If you find yourself, if you are a man,  attracted to many women, not just ONE and you are struggling with whether or not you can remain monogamous. Obviously you cannot, because you have not.
So in your mind if you divorce your wife, that would free you to have as many women in your life as you choose to, without any constraints, no rules, and I guess that would pretty much solve the monogamous problem. It would also solve the "God problem" as well, because you would also be divorcing God. 
Should you stay married for the "sake of the children?"
It is NOT GOOD to stay married for the sake of the children and then live a lie in front of them. Because sooner or later all lies are exposed and they are going to find out anyway. And when they do, they are not only going to look at you as "someone who cheated on their mother/father" but as someone who "slept with two people at the same time and tried to keep the best of both worlds for themselves.
When children find out about an affair you have had they will usually take the side of the wronged spouse. And then the adulterer looses the love and respect of their children and it is hard to ever get it back. Many children will completely estrange themselves from a parent who cheated on their other parent.

When other people find out about the affair you have had, they may also take your spouse's side. You could potentially lose many friends or possibly lose more family members, if they were especially close with your spouse. They may not want to be associated with someone who is willing to cheat on their spouse, as they may see this as excusing or even validating your behavior.
What is an emotional affair?
An emotional affair is the precursor to an adulterous affair. Emotional affairs begin when two people of the opposite sex spend alot of time together, usually at work, and they are each unhappy in their marriages at home. So they begin to share intimate details of their unhappiness with their spouses with each other and find sympathy and support from that person. This leads to many conversations, text messages, long phone calls, and quiet lunches at work.  And before you know it you are telling this person at work all of your daily feelings and concerns and have nothing really left to talk about with your spouse.

Emotional affairs start out as platonic friendships and then progress to crushes, and then full blown physical affairs. They are just the same as committing adultery because eventually they will begin to fantasize about each other in a sexual way which is the same as lusting after each other in your heart.
Eventually there is deception and secrecy. Those involved may not tell their spouses about the amount of time they spend with this other person. An individual involved in this type of affair may, for example, tell his or her spouse that they are doing other activities when they are really meeting with someone else.

Or the unfaithful spouse may exclude any mention of the other person while discussing the day’s activities to conceal the rendezvous. Even if no physical intimacy occurs, the deception clearly shows that those involved believe they are doing something wrong that undermines the existing relationship.

In other words, if there was really no harm in meeting with a friend, both parties would feel comfortable telling their partners the truth about where they are meeting and what they are discussing.
Inappropriate emotional intimacy. The partner being unfaithful may spend inappropriate or excessive time with someone of the opposite or same gender (time not shared with the faithful partner). He or she may confide more in their new “friend” than in their partner and may share more intimate emotional feelings and secrets with their new partner than with their existing spouse. Any time that an individual invests more emotionally into a relationship with someone besides their partner the existing partnership may suffer. So emotional affair always come between the marriage partners.
What happens spiritually when two people not married to each other sleep together?
The Bible says that when a man and woman sleep together they "become one flesh" and "become one." But in the case of adultery they are already "one flesh" with their spouses, so now they are "one flesh" with two different people, which is impossible. So basically, the marital bond is immediately broken.

Even if they stay married to each other, spiritually they are no longer joined together and the silver cord between them has been severed. Along with the intimacy, the trust, the love, the joining of two lives. This is why God says that those who commit adultery will not inherit the kingdom of heaven or have eternal life. Because the act of adultery destroys the spiritual bond not only between man and wife but between man and God. And nothing impure can enter the Kingdom of heaven.

To take it a step further. To commit adultery puts man on the same level as the animals. It destroys the human/divine nature of man and reduces him to a basic animalistic nature. Animals do not marry and become "one" with each other. They just multiply indiscriminately. So to be an adulterer puts one on the same level as the animals.
Why Adultery, if unforgiven, will send you to Hell
When you commit adultery you are severing your relationship not only with your spouse, your children and your family but you are also severing your eternal relationship with God.  He will not honor a person who willfully breaks one of His commandments. And if you feel no guilt, or remorse then you will not seek His forgiveness, and without His forgiveness of this sin, you will go to hell when you die.

If you don't believe in God, or what the Bible says, then you are lost and eternally lost. Jesus cannot save you, and His death on the Cross for your sin of adultery will not save you. For there can be no forgiveness without genuine repentance that comes from the heart. And God will know if you repentance is from your heart or if it is faked.
Does God Forgive You if you have committed Adultery?
God will forgive anyone of any sin if they are genuinely remorseful, repentant, and ask His forgiveness and then do not go out and keep repeating the same sin over and over again. So adultery can be forgiven and the adulterer can be restored to a right relationship with God and with their spouse. 

There is only one sin that is unforgivable and that is "Blasphemy against the Holy Spirit" which is willfully rejecting the Spirit of God and refusing to believe that God exists and can save you. If you don't believe in God, and want nothing to do with Him and consider yourself "Your own God" then he cannot save you. And the sad thing is you will not be able to save yourself.
 Adultery is a "soul" problem
Adultery is not a problem with another woman or man, it is a problem with your "soul" and it is your "soul" that you need to repair and get back in touch with. Remember, adultery comes from the heart and is inside a person not outside a person.

But to continue living a lie with your spouse, living a lie in front of your children, sleeping with two people at the same time, changing your lifestyle so you can fornicate or be polygamous which is against the law in our country is to send yourself straight to hell.
Your marriage is already over and broken by the way in God's eyes. With the first act of adultery you ended your marriage.
Start by recognizing what the real problem is in your life. And it is that you have a problem being "tempted" by members of the opposite sex. And by the way, the one you are committing adultery with now or have in the past and whom you think you love, later on, if they become your new spouse, eventually they would become the "spouse" in your eyes and other people would once again look better to you. Adultery is a vicious cycle that just keeps repeating itself because it is a "soul problem."

Because your real problem is your inner battle with temptation, and not being able to be loyal to just one person, and it is also your relationship with God which has taken a huge step backwards.
So want do you want? A "roll in the hay" with many people? Do you want an intimate relationship with many people, so that you are sharing mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically yourself with many people or several or do you want a relationship with God and one person?  The choice is yours.

Patricia Jones, M.A.
If you are currently involved in an affair or have already committed adultery or are contemplating committing adultery on your spouse and need help and encouragement to avoid doing so, please don't hesitate to contact me for the help that you are seeking. See below for instructions on how to contact me for counseling via e-mail or telephone sessions.
For Help & Advice
Copyright © 2006 - 2021 Dove Christian Counseling Center. All Rights Reserved

Tell a friend about this page
We accept PayPal and all other major credit or debit cards. Once you hit the PayPal button it will allow you to pay with PayPal or another major credit or debit card. No PayPal account is required.