By Rebecca Johnson "The Rebecca Review, finding ... (Washington State)
In life, many of us talk to friends about our daily challenges, but occasionally it is healing to talk to a therapist about problems, which seem to be overwhelming our worlds and threatening to change our lives in significant ways.
In this book, a therapist reveals 25 stories without breaking any doctor-patient confidentiality agreements. The patients in his stories have given their explicit permission and names and circumstances have been altered to protect the individuals whose lives were influenced by Thomas A. Habib's care and concern.
There are three main sections:
Your Life
Love and Marriage
Parenting and Families
Many of the stories are filled with the disclosure of intimate feelings, struggles with parenting issues, life lessons and marital issues that have some rather creative solutions. The issues in this book cover everything from choosing a life partner to dealing with life when passion inevitably cools and the fantasy of marriage dissolves into reality. He discusses the dynamics of relationships and how expectations can be more damaging than reality. Through reading this book you can learn how to:
Solve differences in sexual desire
Determine if your perfectionism is ruining your life
Understand critical parenting skills
Avoid conflict with your adult children
The area of "living in the purgatory of hope" was rather enlightening to me and I had never quite looked at some situations in quite that way. Hope can at times be a damaging influence in a relationship, while at other times it can help you make it through a time of conflict or betrayal.
At times Thomas A. Habib encourages his patients by exploring the idea of how we rarely marry the wrong person and then at times he uses creative methods to allow reality to seep into his patients lives (filing for a divorce) in order to encourage them to delve more deeply into their own psyche and realize they want to save their marriage.
Throughout this book, he uncovers cherished, but unrealistic expectations, exposes sociological variables and discusses how relationships do require an advanced level of participation and emotional awareness to survive the constant change of life itself. Through adapting and adjusting to life, we can be more open to possibility.
His comments about the willingness to be open to sexuality are interesting and I was only left thinking that it is not about women not enjoying sex, it is more about women wanting to experience a deep loving relationship that allows them to feel more erotic and experience more desire. I believe these types of women do exist, in fact, I think every woman has an inner goddess who only needs to be awakened by a loving man who may need to display a level of patience that allows a woman's heart to open fully. Reading David Deida's work on how to love a woman and then recently reading a book by Steven Andrew Guerrero showed me how men really can inspire a woman if they are willing to read a few "instruction manuals" for women. We are not quite as mysterious as it appears. There are definite keys that will start our engines. I personally think "romance" in itself is one of the most important keys to desire. Our hearts are definitely connected to our sexuality and to feel loved and appreciated we need more than a subtle nudge in the direction of the bedroom. If a woman is giving "duty sex" as explained in this book, her heart must be in complete pain and her inner goddess might be in hiding.
As to the author's comments about age and cosmetic surgery. I'd like to add that a lot can be done without surgery. Simply by adding a variety of supplements to your diet, or by reading a book like: The Metabolic Plan, you can start on your way to a much healthier you and see your body literally grow younger. When you look after your body, you not only feel better, you feel sexier too. So, exercise can be a way to encourage a more loving relationship.
This is a great book to read if you are considering marriage or you are looking for a comforting and nurturing read. It is comforting in regards to our universal needs and experiences. Thomas A. Habib presents a variety of accepted norms and discusses our deepest disappointments and failures by presenting real-life examples from souls he has met and counseled through the years. There are a few moments of humor and a wealth of interesting sage advice that I will start to apply to my life.
As I tend to currently believe: Someone has probably written the solution to your problems in a book. This is one of those books that will find you if you need to read it! The author discusses everything from road rage to the twelve things you should avoid in a future marriage partner.
As a pastor, I do my fair share of premarital counseling. And what I look for in a premarital primer is something that asks good, penetrating questions, is steeped in scripture, and challenges the bridal couple to implement the lessons in their marital life. This workbook does all that. I should say that since I'm not really into psychology, I tend to skim over chapters 4-6 rather quickly and move right onto chapter 7. But everything else in the book (the chapters on understanding marriage, childhood backgrounds, the concept of biblical love, communication, conflict, inlaws, roles, finances, sex, and spirituality) is outstanding. Buy this book if you are planning on getting married or if you are planning on doing any premarital counseling.
By Stephanie Manley (Houston, TX United States)
This a fantastic book. This book is written is a no-nonsense style. Sandra Brown is factual, and plain spoken when it comes to dealing with dangerous men. Dangerous men look just like normal men, but they will only drag you emotionally and mentally downward. She describes plainly the different types of abuse, and how they make you feel. She also discusses what can be a chronic problem like depression, compared to a psychopath, who will prey upon you.
I like that she goes through your personal red flags, we all have them, but we often fail to recognize them. We fail to recognize red flags due to the way we were brought up. Often we have been taught how to be dsyfunctional in order to keep peace within the family unit.
Sandra Brown does an excellent job of describing what red flag are, how to recognize yours, and how to learn not to ignore them. She then guides you through recogizing what works for you personally, and what does not. She teaches about boundaries, and how you can develop some of your own.
This book is plainly written, and may seem a little harsh at times. If you have been in a relationship with a dangerous man, or are wondering if the man you are involved with is dangerous, this is definately worth the read. This book will aide you in determining which man you have, or what the next should be. I highly recommend this book!
By DMH (IL)
If you've ever wondered if you're the "crazy one," or why you seem to attract losers, this is a very insightful book.
This book opened my eyes to what a bad situation I was in, and just how bad it could end up. I always suspected that some of the guys I've dated had mental problems but would talk myself out of it. Now I see how important it is to trust these initial red flags and uneasy feelings. Even if your guy is not pathological, if you've got red flags and discomfort, this book wisely advises you to get out fast and why. The unfortunate thing about these dangerous men is that they are so charming, affectionate, intelligent, and desirable at first, that you are long-since hooked before the creep in them emerges. This book gives practical advice for how to recognize potential issues before you're hooked and his personality has changed.
For anyone who's skeptical, no, I did not think this was a male-bashing book or "any guy could fit into those categories." Not so. It even gives a list of traits to look for when analyzing whether yours is a healthy or unhealthy relationship.
It's a quick read and well worth it.
By "kmack@ica.com" (California)
In 1989, my fiance and I purchased this book. He had not yet proposed, but we knew our relationship was heading in that direction. We wanted this to be the marriage that lasted the rest of our lives, so we did everything we could to learn how to be successful in marriage. Divorce was not an option.
We went through the book one chapter at a time. He had a copy, and I had a copy. We worked through the pages separately, and wrote down any concerns or questions we had for the other. We then met and discussed our answers to the questions in the book.
After our engagement was official, we went to our church for pre-marital counseling. We handed our pastor the workbooks at the first meeting. He was absolutely astounded that we had gone through so much effort before the engagement. We were able to identify the problems that would likely come up in our marriage (mother-in-law mostly!). Indeed, by discussing the issues ahead of time, we weren't surprised when certain things happened.
We are still married, happily, I might add, 15 years later. I have given this book to couples that I think are heading toward marriage. I have also purchased books for my children and their future intendeds. My children are still young, so they are tucked away until needed.
