BooksMarriage

Amazon.com

Unhappiness in marriage often has a simple root cause: we speak different love languages, believes Dr. Gary Chapman. While working as a marriage counselor for more than 30 years, he identified five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. In a friendly, often humorous style, he unpacks each one. Some husbands or wives may crave focused attention; another needs regular praise. Gifts are highly important to one spouse, while another sees fixing a leaky faucet, ironing a shirt, or cooking a meal as filling their "love tank." Some partners might find physical touch makes them feel valued: holding hands, giving back rubs, and sexual contact. Chapman illustrates each love language with real-life examples from his counseling practice.

How do you discover your spouse’s – and your own – love language? Chapman’s short questionnaires are one of several ways to find out. Throughout the book, he also includes application questions that can be answered more extensively in the beautifully detailed companion leather journal (an exclusive Amazon.com set). Each section of the journal corresponds with a chapter from the book, offering opportunities for deeper reflection on your marriage.

Although some readers may find choosing to love a spouse that they no longer even like –hoping the feelings of affection will follow later– a difficult concept to swallow, Chapman promises that the results will be worth the effort. "Love is a choice," says Chapman. "And either partner can start the process today." --Cindy Crosby.

Are you and your spouse speaking the same language? While love is a many splendored thing, it is sometimes a very confusing thing, too. And as people come in all varieties, shapes, and sizes, so do their choices of personal expressions of love. But more often than not, the giver and the receiver express love in two different ways. This can lead to misunderstanding, quarrels, and even divorce. Quality Time Words of Affirmation Gifts Acts of Service Physical TouchDr. Gary Chapman identifies five basic languages of love and then guides couples towards a better understanding of their unique languages of love. Learn to speak and understand your mate's love language, and in no time you will be able to effectively love and truly feel loved in return.Skillful communication is within your grasp!

Reviewer: Robertson Thomas

This book makes presents several valuable points:

--Men believe in the adage that "if it ain't broke, don't fix it."

A woman, on the other hand, might say that "if it ain't broke, upgrade it."

Consequently, when a woman offers advice or criticism to a man, the man could misunderstand that she considers him inadequate.

--Men like to be considered competent, whereas women like to be cherished.

This difference could result in an misunderstanding.

When a woman asks questions such as "Do you have enough cash?" or "Did you remember your umbrella?" she is treating others as she would like to be treated, but not as a man might like to be treated.

--When men share their problems, they want solutions.

When women share their problems, they want empathy.

This difference results in situations in which a woman shares her problems, the man offers solutions, and the woman becomes angry because the man "is just not listening!"

The difference could also result in a man feeling blamed for a problem whereas in fact he is not.

--A man often wants solitude when he is thinking about a problem.

A woman should be careful not to bother a man with questions at such a time.

--A woman could have mood swings for no discernible reason.

A man should respect those mood swings and not take them personally.

--When a man wants help, he asks. When a woman wants help, she doesn't.

A woman could make a mistake by offering help when a man doesn't ask.

On the other hand, a man could make a mistake by not sensing when a woman wants help.

--Women count all gifts and favors equally, regardless of size or amount.

Many small gifts and favors are better than one large, expensive gift or favor.

--If a woman asks a man for a favor and the man hesitates, she should allow a few seconds for the hesitation rather than hastily interpreting that hesitation as a refusal.

Reviewer: Laura Butler

This was the first book by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend that I have read. Therefore, I can neither confirm nor deny another reviewer's statement that it is essentially a rehash of the original Boundaries book. Having not read any of the other Boundaries books yet, I found this one to be quite excellent.

Whether or not you are a believer in Christ, this book can still be incredibly helpful if you're willing to read it with an open mind. It may even be helpful if you have a closed mind and you don't even want it to be helpful. ;) The strength in it is that it is not a "How To" book. The authors realized that lists of surface actions to change don't change the heart. They focus on pointing out principles and revealing truth. They give plenty of examples and paint pictures of how certain actions make others feel. This helps you see beyond yourself, thus allowing you to interact with your spouse with greater grace and mercy. The changes in your actions are the result rather than the solution.

Another thing I really like about this book is that it explains what submission and sacrifice in marriage really look like in the Bible and not in what the world believes that to look like. It explains that submission is always to be done in love and with the perspective of EVERYTHING that God has taught us through His Word. This means that submission and sacrifice do not mean giving up all your desires and doing everything your spouse tells you to do; it means upholding your responsibility to love your spouse no matter what (ie. loving them enough to help support the end of unhealthy behaviors and actions). Truly love your spouse as the Bible commands, will require you to say, "No," some times, it will require you to actively participate by voicing your own feelings and taking ownership for them, and it may even call for you to create a boundary of space by removing yourself if your spouse is being abusive. I have found this book to be very helpful for relationships outside of marriage as well (friendships, work hierarchys, family, etc).

The book begins by clarifying what a boundary really is (a means to help us determine "...where someone's control begins and ends" pg 24) and what it is not (a means to control someone else). It then continues to dislodge general society's definition of boundaries you may have in mind by explaining why and how boundaries and freedom are not mutually exclusive. Part 1 continues with a discussion of truths (laws) about marriage and people in general to be taken into account when one is setting boundaries and trying to respect another's boundaries.

Part 2 discusses 'oneness' and 'twoness', and it also addresses values. I believe the reviewer who had issues with this book being focused on twoness misunderstood this section. The authors are just pointing out that you weren't always one together so you have to understand that it takes work for two to become one. In fact, their first real statement in this section is that oneness is actually God's very design for marriage. Their point is that you can't depend on someone else to complete you; the idea is for your spouse to compliment and enhance you. My only issue with this section is that no person is absolutely complete, and the authors seem to take the assumption that this can be and should be the case. Christ is still completing a good work in us, and we won't be complete until we are home with Him in heaven. I think a better way the authors could have phrased this section is that the individuals should be able to assume responsibility and understanding for both their strengths and shortcomings.

Part 3 is the practical section that guides you in handling conflict. It helps you learn to handle it by first helping you define the type of conflict. It addresses handling conflict with someone who is willing AND with someone who is resistant.

Finally, Part 4 reemphasizes what boundaries are and what they are not. It discusses the misuse of boundaries.

Amazon.com

The trials and pressures of modern life can make the prospect of a fulfilled, meaningful marriage seem impossible. In The Power of a Praying Wife, popular Christian author and speaker Stormie Omartian pinpoints common marital struggles and reveals the miraculous way that disciplined prayer can alleviate heartache and sustain unity. According to Omartian, a marriage's success depends upon "laying down all claim to power in and of yourself, and relying on God's power to transform you, your husband, your circumstances, and your marriage." Omartian attributes the success of her own 25-year marriage to dedicated prayer for every area--however specific--of her husband's life; from his finances and his work to his integrity and his temptations. Each chapter offers insight into areas that are especially important to men, followed by "power tools" (inspiring, topical Scripture) to guide one's prayer life and transform a woman's mind with regard to her husband. This practical read will encourage women to trust God to change their spouse, and undoubtedly refocus one's perspective on God's power rather than one's own personal predicament. --Jill Heatherly

Book Description

Omartian shares how wives can develop a deeper relationship with their husbands by praying for them. Packed with practical advice on praying for specific areas, including decision–making, fears, spiritual strength, and sexuality, this book helps women discover the fulfilling marriage God intended.