Five years after its first publication, with more than 150,000 copies in print, Final Gifts has become a classic. In this moving and compassionate book, hospice nurses Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley share their intimate experiences with patients at the end of life, drawn from more than twenty years experience tending the terminally ill.
Through their stories we come to appreciate the near-miraculous ways in which the dying communicate their needs, reveal their feelings, and even choreograph their own final moments; we also discover the gifts--of wisdom, faith, and love--that the dying leave for the living to share.
Filled with practical advice on responding to the requests of the dying and helping them prepare emotionally and spiritually for death, Final Gifts shows how we can help the dying person live fully to the very end
Reviewer: Dale A. Blanchard "Friendly Spirit" (Ohio USA) -
....read this book!
Over the past few years, when faced with the information that someone I'd known was dying, I did - nothing. Retreating, I was terrified of my own mortality and of what I might do if I were around someone who was dying. Would I say the wrong thing or nothing at all? Would I cry, or do something to inadvertently hurt them? What is dying like? This book is great as a comforting instruction manual on what happens, what to do, and what not to do.
It begins with information about what happens to the body when it is in the process of dying, then moves into experiences the authors have had in dealing with people who are dying, or whose loved ones are dying. They have helpful information throughout the book for those, like me, who were unsure about what to say or do.
They include individual stories about messages people send when they are approaching death and how not to miss them; seeing people who have already died and what that may mean; symbolic dreams and how to let the dreamer find the meaning; choosing a time to die (not by suicide); waiting for a person to arrive or an event to happen.
Family and friends often ignore this precious information. It seems illogical, far out, too much like stories about abduction by aliens. We brush them off as hallucinations, caused by denial or possibly drug-induced.
When I first heard volunteers, nurses and others who work in hospice tell stories of people who have similar Nearing Death Experiences (not to be confused with "Near Death Experiences"), I was dubious. However, in my readings and hospice volunteer work, I find that these stories are universal, timeless and not as new age-y as I'd thought. We've been ignoring these wonderfully soothing stories of how people die, because for years we've moved birthing and dying out of the family and into hospitals. We are beginning to move them back.
If you've lost a loved one, are dealing with someone who is dying (yourself or someone else), if you avoid visiting friends who are dying or if you're struggling with your own awareness that someday you will die, please read this book. It will put your mind at ease.
Book Description
Shortly before her death in 2004, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler, her collaborator, completed the manuscript for this, her final book. On Grief and Grieving is a fitting completion to her work. Thirty-six years and sixteen books ago, Kübler-Ross's groundbreaking On Death and Dying changed the way we talk about the end of life. Now On Grief and Grieving will profoundly influence the way we experience the process of grief.
On Death and Dying began as a theoretical book, an interdisciplinary study of our fear of death and our inevitable acceptance of it. It introduced the world to the now-famous five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. On Grief and Grieving applies these stages to the process of grieving and weaves together theory, inspiration, and practical advice, all based on Kübler-Ross's and Kessler's professional and personal experiences, and is filled with brief, topic-driven stories. It includes sections on sadness, hauntings, dreams, coping, children, healing, isolation, and even the subject of sex during grief.
"I know death is close," Kübler-Ross says at the end of the book, "but not quite yet. I lie here like so many people over the years, in a bed surrounded by flowers and looking out a big window....I now know that the purpose of my life is more than these stages....It is not just about the life lost but also the life lived."
In one of their final writing sessions, Kübler-Ross told Kessler, "The last nine years have taught me patience, and the weaker and more bed-bound I become, the more I'm learning about receiving love."
On Grief and Grieving is Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's final legacy, one that brings her life's work profoundly full circle.
Reviewer: kathleen silver
For more than a year after my father died, I felt as if I was going in slow motion, while the world raced past me. Time didn't seem to have done anything to heal me, in fact I was feeling worse. My friends tried to talk to me and help me, but I couldn't hear anything other than my own despair. One of my dear friends, in desperation, gave me a copy of The Grief Recovery Handbook. That simple act of kindness changed my life. In the solitude of my own home, without having to try to feel good so others would think I was okay, I began to read the book. Almost against my own will, I began to take the actions and do the exercises outlined in the book. One of the hardest parts about them, was that they were too easy. I began to realize how much I had been complicating the possibility of recovery by trying to use my head to fix my heart. As the direct result of creating an accurate picture of my entire relationship with my father, and completing what had been unsaid or unfinished, I regained the gratitude I felt toward life, and the energy with which to live it. While I have normal sadness and miss my dad from time to time, I am able to sustain a life of meaning and value, even though he is no longer physically here. What happened for me feels like a miracle, but in reality is the result of the safety and encouragement to take action provided by The Grief Recovery Handbook. I am eternally grateful.
This Book Saved My Sister's Life, September 1, 2004
I first found this book almost 2 years ago. At the time I was looking for something to help my sister who had endured 13 major losses in less than 5 years and was in the depths of hell. She was barely able to get herself dressed every day and was so devestated she was not able to work because she couldn't stop crying. I picked this book up just hoping it held a "gem" of knowledge that I could use to help her. I was so blown away by the book that I asked her if she'd go to a workshop (she couldn't concentrate well enough to read the book). She agreed to go (she would have done anything to get rid of the pain). I put her on a plane to the next available workshop. Four days later she walked out of the workshop with a song in her heart and wings on her feet. She came home and enrolled in college full time and found 2 part-time jobs that worked around her college classes. I sent another sister to a workshop earlier this year. They are both happier than they've ever been in their lives and they tell me how peaceful they feel. They look forward to each new day with joy. I recently attended a workshop and have just been certified to begin an Outreach Program. Because of this book, many of my family members will know what to do whenever a loss occurs. For those people who can concentrate enough to read, this book may be what they need. But if they need more, please encourage them to find a Grief Recovery Outreach Program in their area. The Grief Recovery Institute's website is www.grief.net and they are very helpful to griever's who call them.
Reviewer: Glenda C. Martin
Thanks be to God for his use of people like Ms. Davis who have walked the dark road of grief, lonliness, and despair and shared that experience with those of us who would also travel this journey. I lost my husband in November,1999 after 23 years of marriage. My three sons and I came to know of this book through the suggestion of a friend and spiritual mentor. I've read it twice and it has become a very trusted companion during my times of profound lonliness, gut-wrentching sobs,unrelenting guilt and overwhelming responsibilities. I've identified with so many of the thoughts and feelings.I cry each time I read it, for many of her experiences are my experiences. The prayers are my favorites for I know they touch the very heart of God.This book helps me find the courage to go on.It helps me to know that God is true to His word and being that he is no respector of persons, His unfailing love will see me through just as it has seen her through.It gives me hope and reinforces the fact that my experiences are not unnatural for one who has suffered the trauma of loosing a spouse. I thank God for Ms. Davis. I thank Ms. Davis for being a willing vessel for God's use. I am tremendously helped by her candid sharing, her honest self- appraisals, her valuable insight and heaven-reaching prayers.This book chronicles a journey out of the darkness of loss and because of it the following verse of scripture has taken on new meaning for me:"Blessed be the God and father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation,that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." (II Cor.1:3 NKJ) THANK YOU GOD!!! THANK YOU Verdell Davis!!!
