Foreword by Barry Gordon, M.D., Ph.D., Johns Hopkins Medical Institutions
· "Mom’s OK, she just forgets."
· "Dad only drives to the grocery store."
· "A support group? I don’t need one."
· "My husband is not ready for day care."
· "Nursing home placement? Never!"
These and similar expressions of denial are often heard in families struggling with the difficult challenges of Alzheimer’s or dementia in a loved one. Denial may seem to be an acceptable coping mechanism when faced with a disease that has no cure. But in fact the failure to accept reality can work against the welfare of the person suffering from a disease that causes dementia, making a bad situation worse for the whole family.
In this reassuring and very helpful handbook for families, experienced caregivers Evelyn D. McLay and Ellen P. Young suggest various behaviors, tools, and techniques for moving beyond denial. Real people who have faced the many problems brought about by Alzheimer’s speak out, with hope, from these pages. They share their journeys from denial to loving action and an improved attitude that helps them deal with their personal plights.
Separate chapters address the issues of caregiver burnout, developing communication skills, challenging behaviors that "push your buttons," when to remove driving privileges, day care for the elderly, deciding on long-term care, and the need for acceptance.
Without minimizing the daunting challenges of Alzheimer’s and dementia, the authors stress the importance of remaining positive and appreciating the moment while acting in the best interests of loved ones.
There are some books that are brilliant because they delve deeply into one subject. There are other books that are brilliant because they synthesize a panorama of other great books. Finally, there are perhaps the rarest of works that in one book combine the insights of many other brilliant tomes and make the synthesis seem like one subject. "The Denial of Death" belongs to this rarest of books. The excellence of the insights on so many pages is breathtaking, and it's only fitting that Becker, certainly a great writer previously, made his last book, published shortly and ironically before his death, his best.
Becker states at the outset the problem in our day is not that there isn't enough knowledge, the problem is that there isn't enough integration of this knowledge into a kind of wisdom that would properly summarize the accumulated knowledge. At the outset he acknowledges the difficulty in claiming that there is one direct insight into what causes (almost) all of the neuroses of life, which is the inability of people to see and overcome what I feel is the ultimate paradox of life, that we live and die at the same time. Yet in one book Becker succeeds so well it is astounding!
To summarize a summarizing book is difficult indeed! Basically what Becker claims is that man has twin but conflicting ontological needs/motives - to individuate and yet at the same time to feel a part of something greater. Man is a paradox in many other ways. Unlike other animals inside he (I will omit she to keep it simple) is largely symbolic - in his mind he can imagine the farthest mysteries of the universe, he can philosophize about the deepest meanings of life and its purpose. Yet like other animals man is anal (discussed extensively!) and possesses a body that is only too mortal.
Countless times Becker makes the point that the way most people live with these paradoxes is a "lie in the face of reality." That is, starting from childhood most people use all kinds of repressions to pretend that they aren't going to die. Much of society is based on symbolic systems for people to feel heroic, because when we achieve heroism we feel that we have transcended our mortality. Much of this heroism is in fact false, even disempowering, because for example most pointedly with entertainers and athletes we often in fact project our need for heroism onto them. In psychology this is called transference, which manifests itself in group psychology and other ways that Becker thoroughly covers.
Modern man has lost its way because science has removed the need for God, something transcendent beyond the physical life. Transcending Freud, citing Otto Rank most by far, as well many other fine psychologists, and even including Kirkegaard who predated them, Becker claims that it has been "scientifically" proven that the only way for man to deal with his fate, to achieve his innate heroic need, is to give his life up to something greater than the physical, call it God or whatever you wish. Thus he merges psychology with religion, in my opinion, quite correctly.
In bare form these are some of the main themes of "The Denial of Death." The book is a must read if a person has the courage to tackle this most "urgent" issue. I don't think you'll find a better analysis than Becker's. It could dramatically change the way you look at the world and the people who live in it.
In the end I did feel that Becker got somewhat carried away with his insight that the denial of death is the key to understanding people's deepest neuroses - he took it to what I felt was the extreme that it is simply impossible to transcend the denial of death. People who have had near death experiences in many cases seem to have overcome the fear of death, people who have mastered Eastern disciplines like meditation have done the same, and finally self-actualized people who simply live knowing that they are souls having a physical experience can also overcome the angst of physical mortality.
Book Description
Book Description
Drawn from the Beatitudes, Celebrate Recovery helps people resolve painful problems in the context of the church as a whole. Rather than setting up an isolated recovery community, it helps participants and their churches come together and discover new levels of care, acceptance, trust, and grace.
From the Back Cover
Alcoholism - Divorce - Sexual Abuse - Codependency - Domestic Violence - Drug Addition - Sexual Addiction These words are about more than "issues." They're about people who sit as close to us as the next pew -- or our own. People struggling with problems that sermons or Bible studies alone won't solve. But there is a way the church can help the hurting move beyond their wounds to experience the healing and liberty of Christ. Celebrate Recovery fills a long-standing need in the church in its role as Christ's healing agent. Developed by John Baker and Rick Warren of the renowned Saddleback Church, this program's life-changing effectiveness has gained it an explosive, grass-roots popularity. Drawn from the Beatitudes, Celebrate Recovery helps people resolve painful problems in the context of the church as a whole. Rather than setting up an isolated recovery community, it helps participants and their churches come together and discover new levels of care, acceptance, trust, and grace. Whether your congregation is large or small, this 25-session fellowship-based curriculum truly will be a celebration of Christ in the life of your church and its members. Everything you need is here: • One 20-minute DVD introductory guide for leaders • One leader's guide • Four 4-volume participant’s guides • CD-ROM with 25 lessons - Road to Recovery series • CD-ROM with sermon transcripts and reproducible promotional materials • 4-volume audio CD sermon series • All in a proven, groundbreaking program, painstakingly and prayerfully developed to help people discover new dignity, strength, joy, and growth in the image of Christ.
